Special Announcement
For our own amusement this evening, the Blue Light
Special will be located directly behind you in your
Rear-View and Side-View mirrors.
NOTE:
*To receive your VIP PASS and/or ALL ACCESS PASS,
visit our Blue Light Special promotion booths, which are conveniently
located at each and every Sobriety Check Point in your city. Our Agents are standing
by to assist you with obtaining your pass. Better hurry, these are going fast!
For an indefinite amount of time, our First Time
"Guests of Honor" will receive a FREE VIP PASS! YES!
You heard right! An all expenses paid trip, complete
with transportation! We will even store your vehicle on our secure lot, providing a complementary
complete car detail
This VIP PASS* grants you and/or your party 1-4
nights* in a cozy, yet charming, one-room suite. If
you like, we can reserve more than one night for you,
dependent upon your outlook.
applicants will be based soley on his/her ability and
capacity to follow simple directions, abiding by the
regulations and proper procedures given by the Room Attendants.}
Included in your stay, you'll receive three
delicious balanced meals a day. *Room service is
available.
subject to change without any notice whatsoever;
participation in certain activities are mandatory.}
While you are enjoying your stay in the exciting,
action-packed "Misdemeanor Mansion", you can mingle
with people from all walks of life, make new friends,
greet old high school pals. Maybe even meet that
special someone you've been searching for.
You'll have the opportunity during the beginning
of your enchanted encounter with us to catch a sneak
preview* of shows coming soon to a room near you.
Enjoy Cameo appearances from our colorful, yet
socially acceptable, special friends: the "Wards from
Psych unit 7."
For your OWN protection, please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times.
(*viewing areas are located at or near the Booking and
Welcome Center. And please, do NOT breathe, spit or
urinate on the glass. DO NOT make any sudden threatening
movements, crude gestures or your mama jokes. Not liable for any damages
incurred while viewing.)
ALL ACCESS PASS*
For those of you who are our loyal guests, returning
after your supervised adventure into the outside
world, welcome back.
And for your peace of mind, you have just been
issued an ALL ACCESS PASS! The most coveted and rarely
sought-after membership to this highly populated
resort. It's the second highest honor. So!
Congratulations on your excellent decision making
skills. We know it will be hard for you to leave.
Furthermore, securing an ALL ACCESS PASS duly
grants a life-time achievement award, putting your
name in several well known data- banks across the
globe, gaining recognition for your retributions to
society.
ALL ACCESS PASS memberships absolutely guarantee
that all your legal rights will be revoked and waived
until your not-so-fair-and speedy trail.
Once again, congratulations on your decision. Welcome to the Billy Club.
